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John Sciacca Writes...

Features, Reviews and a Blog by John Sciacca

Random Thoughts (Blog)

Random Thoughts (Blog)

I Have. I Have Never...

Posted on December 20, 2011 at 12:00 AM

Often my blogs are long, rambling affairs that discuss some topic while frequently meandering about to other points of interest (well, in my mind at least) along the way. But, the other day I happened upon a couple of things that combined to inspire today’s missive.

First, was a blog from The Bloggess (@TheBloggess). It was a list of people to invite to the most fascinating dinner party in the world.

And it was just that. A list. It didn’t need a thousand words of exposition to make it good or funny or interesting. The list was able to stand on its own. (Totally unrelated to this, but still so awesomely funny that I'm compelled to share it, is this post from The Bloggess. I seriously stop sometimes during the day, think about the honey badger, and chuckle to myself.)

The second bit of inspiration came from the Twitter bio of @tashadhanraj which reads: “Marketing Director at Random House Publishing, Curator of The British Museum and Head Tie Designer at Chanel are three jobs I have never done.”

I thought this was terrific. More so since I started off reading and thinking, “Wow! This girl is amazing! She’s like some kind of savant or something!”(Tasha also writes a column, and from this one it sounds like she very well might have been sitting next to the real life Willy Wonka on the train.)

For a bit after reading that, I started thinking of all the funny things I could write that I’d never done. But that would just be copying, and that’s no fun. So, instead I thought it would be much for interesting to create a list of actual things that I have and have not done.

Please to enjoy…

I Have…

Totaled a car.

Drank till I puked.

Gone SCUBA diving.

Ordered a meal and gotten directions entirely in a foreign language.

Been recognized by a stranger in public.

Cried from being so happy.

Wagered on a round of golf for more money than what I had on me.

Landed and launched off the deck of an aircraft carrier at sea.

Been to a pro football, baseball and basketball game.

Seen the same group in concert two nights in a row.

Spent the night on the floor of an airport

Been cited as a source on Wikipedia.

Drunk absinthe.

Made a hole-in-one.

Driven a $300,000 car.

Taken lunch to the president.

Broken a bone.

Had a crush on someone that I've never spoken to.

Bought a piece of art for $500.

Written a "letter to the editor."

Been in a deposition.

Had a bottle of Cris.

Read the entire Bible from cover to cover.

Driven cross-country by myself.

Stayed at a 5-star hotel. 

Stayed at a motel costing less than $20 a night.

Stood in line for over 4 hours to see a movie.

Cried at a kid's movie.

Held my breath for nearly 3 minutes.

Read an entire book in a day.

Apologized for something that I wasn't really sorry about.

Had to fire someone.

Seen every episode of The Twilight Zone* (well, except for that one...)

Smashed something to pieces in anger.

Visited the Lamborghini factory.

Missed a 3-foot putt that had a lot riding on it.

Listened to the radio all day waiting for one song.

Read something written by someone else and been jealous of their talent.

Had my wisdom teeth removed.

Had an eel come after me while swimming in the ocean.

Played a video game until my thumbs were literally blistered.

Seen every Star Wars film in the theater.

Visited Club 33. Twice.

Felt like the smartest guy in the room.

Felt like the dumbest guy in the room.

Wanted to be a writer for a long as I can remember.

Found a black widow spider inside of my shoe.

Been to Lucas Ranch. Thrice.

Given money to a stranger.

I Have Never…

Danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight. Nor rubbed another man's rhubarb.

Stolen anything.

Seen Mount Rushmore.

Gone skydiving or bungee jumping.

Run or exercised until I puked.

Been hit on by another guy. (At least that I’m aware of.)

Been in a fight.

Caught a ball at a major league game.

Jumped double-dutch.

Been to Augusta National.

Seen the movie Home Alone.

Purchased anything from Sky Mall.

Seen the Pyramids.

Drawn a picture that I've been proud of.

Seen an AmEx Black Card.

Seen U2 in concert.

Told someone that I loved them and not meant it.

Written anything I didn't fully believe at that moment.

Seen anyone die.

Gambled in Vegas.

Given myself a haircut.

Been to the Louvre.

Been fired.

Forgotten how to spell "guarantee" after that 6th grade spelling bee.

Wanted to get a tattoo or piercing.

Smoked. Anything.

Seen a scorpion out in the wild.

Written a bad check.

Been to college.

Made a home brew.

Gone "planking." Or "Tebow-ing."

Run out of gas*. (I once coasted to rest right next to the pump.)

Driven in a Ferrari.

Plagiarized someone else's work.

Wondered where my next paycheck was coming from.

Asked a stranger for money.

Ridden in a hot air balloon.

Learned to play a musical instrument.

Gone streaking.

Lied to you in this blog.

Categories: December 2011

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Reply Richard Fregosa
3:37 PM on December 19, 2011 
Nicely done. Will have to share some of them with you in Vegas over a Consulate, since some are fit for print and public consumption and some are not :)

Happy Holidays,

Reply Jasmine
5:48 PM on December 19, 2011 
Great post John! Reminded me of an icebreaker I heard about once. Everybody in the room/conference/party tells 3 things about themselves aloud but only 2 are true. Then people guess which one is "fake". It can get really interesting!
Loving the blog!
Reply Sarah Fleishman
6:03 PM on December 19, 2011 
Rich, I better be in on that too.

Nicely done, Sciacca. Will tweet you some of mine.
Reply Jenny, Bloggess
12:02 PM on December 21, 2011 
You should try smoking chickens. They're delicious.